Eternity

Sarii awoke with a start. She was dreaming of walking on an empty beach on a cold winter day. Gray waves crashed on distant rocks and seabirds called as they flew overhead. The dream quickly faded as she returned to reality.

Pushing a button, she quickly examined the data and turned off the heads up display. Six hours passed, while she slept. No incoming communication signals and all systems were normal. Taking a deep breath, she focused on her location once again.

She could see a faint glow on the bulkhead wall. Occasionally, she would see a flash of light in different colors; some blue and others orange, or red. They were usually brief, although she had watched one that lasted for a few seconds. She had admired the deep violet of the flash. It was a pleasant and removed the thoughts that plagued her waking moments.

She thought of her fiancé. He didn’t want her to go, but they needed the credits, so she took the job and promised it wouldn’t’ seem that long. She knew he would worry the entire time and now wished she had never left. The thoughts saddened her. Knowing she needed to think about something else, she shifted her thoughts to the ship.

The ship was so much different than the military ships she served on. Besides the amount of room, simple luxuries, like the opportunity to eat when she wanted, almost made her feel guilty. All equipment was new and the engines were more powerful than any ship of that size usually carried. The captain told her it was important for their job; the ability to maneuver was critical. 

The trip had taken two months after the jump. During that time, her responsibilities were almost boring, since the ship was new. In the service, constant drills, old equipment and cramped quarters made for busy patrols. It had taken time, but she finally made chief engineer, which led to the job offer after her tour.

A flash of deep violet light on the bulkhead wall broke her thoughts. The deep color reminded her of talking with the head astrophysicist at the end of a shift. He explained singularity, the event horizon and how radiation would be emitted as something crossed beyond the point of no return. He’d said most of it was x-rays, but that visible light was possible. He also explained gravity lensing and how a black hole would be very hard to discern when close. He was right. Between the strange distorted background, and the astigmatic appearance of stars, it was more of an area, without any clear edge of demarcation.

The doctor, and all the crew were now gone. She remembered the collision, which changed her life forever. Following protocol, she was fully suited as she made a maintenance scan of the hull at the end of the drive tube. One instant she was examining the readings and the next she was at the end of her tether. Except for the small section she was in, the ship was gone. Whatever collided with the ship was big, and fast. The edge of the break was clean, as though the ship was cleanly cut with a plasma torch. Nothing was bent, or burned. There was nothing but the void of space and the eerie silence of the vacuum.

Staring out the hull, she noticed the section of hull was almost back to facing the black hole. Shifting her position, she avoided the ionizing radiation that would soon flood into the open space she occupied. She would have a few hours of staying against the structural member before the slow spin of the wreckage placed the majority of the hull between her and the black hole. She had no choice. The suit couldn’t protect her but for a few minutes. The hull blocked most of it, but she knew she was receiving more than was recommended.

She realized she had no idea how long she had been there. It was a long time. So long, her hunger was a constant dull ache. She could feel how weak she had become, but was thankful she had water. That was part of the suit design, which still amazed her. Military suits were all short duration suits. They would protect the wearer, but they didn’t supply any water. The military figured there was little reason for such a suit. There were many reasons stated, but the final reason was the cost. Still, she didn’t have much water left, and she had reached the point her rationing was only prolonging the inevitable.

She wondered again if the emergency communication beacon had traveled far enough. She had launched the beacon the first day, when she was positive the trajectory would take it away from the black hole. If it wasn’t far enough, the signal would be lost in the constant background noise.  Even if found, she wondered how her location could be determined. Thinking about this changed her thoughts to what she had planned for the last few cycles.

She didn’t want to die a long lingering death. She was already to the point she was questioning her sanity, which concerned her more than anything else. She was proud of her ability to make rational, logical decisions and the thought of losing this ability was unacceptable. She could vent the suit and her death would be quicker. With her hope almost gone, she had reached the point she knew the time to make the decision was soon. She would rather be dead than spending the rest of her life in a mental ward. There was a point that being rescued would only be the start of a long unfruitful existence.

Over the next few hours, her mind wandered between one topic and another. She had long given up on mental exercises, like remembering and singing every song she knew. She had run out of ideas and the exercises had become emotionally draining. This only aggravated her discomfort, which included maddening itches she couldn’t reach. Eventually, she nodded off to dream again; her only escape and now becoming vivid and comforting.

Snapping awake, she was disoriented, which was a new occurrence. She spent a few minutes thinking and couldn’t remember anything about the last waking cycle. It was time. She reached into her tool pouch and removed the plasma torch. It was the only thing she knew that would pierce the suit and allow the blessed relief she now longed for.

Carefully, she aimed the torch at the space between her leg and the outside of the suit. Hesitating, she thought of changing her suit recording, but decided it would serve its purpose. She didn’t have anything to add and she wondered if anyone would ever hear it. She hoped her fiancé would, but even if he didn’t, maybe someone would. She didn’t want her last words to be silenced forever.

Pulling the trigger on the torch, she swept a quick arc and waited. Instantly, bright sparkles of light escaped in a cloud from the cut. She felt her lungs collapse and her consciousness started fading immediately from her oxygen starved brain. Her last thought was of how the effervescence of the water boiling on her tongue was like sparkling water from a mixed drink. Within seconds she was gone.

A brief, brilliant flash of blue light lit the bulkhead walls for a few moments. The section of hull slowly spun and marked her final resting place, which would remain in stable orbit for centuries, if not longer - maybe for eternity.